| queez |
[08 Mar 2007|08:06pm] |
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music |
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Regina Spektor - Folding Chair |
] |
I can tell you now the whole top bit is wrong; I am logical selfish rebellious artistic idealistic and introverted. Stupid quiz. It asked me whether I preferred clitoral masturbation or fingering myself. It could at least have bought me a drink first (heyhey!)
The Everything Test There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all. Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-) | Personality | You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about others than concerned about self, more atheist than religious, more dependent than loner, more lazy than workaholic, more traditional than rebel, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more extroverted than introverted.
As for specific personality traits, you are adventurous (90%), intellectual (73%), horny (64%), romantic (57%). | | | Stereotypes | | Emo Kid | 89% | | Prep | 77% | | Punk Rock | 73% | | | | Life Experience | | Sex | 46% | | Substances | 68% | | Travel | 24% | | Politics
Your political views would best be described as Socialist, whom you agree with around 83% of the time. | | Socioeconomic
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Upper Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 31% less than the U.S. average.
| If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13.
By the way, your hottness rank is 64%, hotter than 90% of other test takers. | TAKE THE TEST brought to you by thatsurveysite
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| my fingers hurt. |
[26 Dec 2006|01:21pm] |
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music |
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The Smiths - The Boy with the Thorn in His Side |
] |
"This does not break me. I give you virtually everything I have. I give you all of the best things I have, and while these things are things that I like, memories that I treasure, good or bad, like the pictures of my family on my walls I can show them to you without diminishing them. I can afford to give you everything. We gasp at the wretches on afternoon shows who reveal their hideous secrets in front of millions of similarly wretched viewers, and yet...what have we taken from them, what have they given us? Nothing. We know that Janine had sex with her daughter's boyfriend, but...then what? We will die and we will have protected...what? Protected from all the world that, what, we do this or that, that our arms have made these movements and our mouths these sounds? Please. We feel that to reveal embarrassing or private things, like, say, masturbatory habits (for me, about once a day, usually in the shower), we have given someone something, that, like a primitive person fearing that a photographer will steal his soul, we identify our secrets, our pasts and their blotches, with our identity, that revealing our habits or losses or deeds somehow makes one less of oneself. But it's just the opposite, more is more is more - more bleeding, more giving. These things, details, stories, whatever, are like the skin shed by snakes, who leave theirs for anyone to see. What does he care where it is, who sees it, this snake, and his skin? He leaves it where he molts. Hours, days or months later, we come across a snake's long-shed skin and we know something of the snake, we know that it's of this approximate girth and that approximate length, but we know very little else. Do we know where the snake is now? What the snake is thinking now? No. By now the snake could be wearing fur; the snake could be selling pencils in Hanoi. The skin is no longer his, he wore it because it grew from him, but then it dried and slipped off and he and everyone could look at it.
And you're the snake?
Sure. I'm the snake. So, should the snake bring it with him, this skin, should he tuck it under his arm? Should he?
No?
No, of course not! He's got no fucking arms! How the fuck would a snake carry a skin? Please. But like the snake, I have no arms - metaphorically speaking - to carry these things with. Besides, these things aren't even mine. None of this is mine."
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| lapsed jew |
[15 Dec 2006|07:15pm] |
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music |
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The Victorian English Gentlemen's Club |
] |
Hi.
Today I spent £30 on a cardigan. It isn't even that nice. It is black, full of purposefull holes, only 54% cotton, and doesn't have full-length sleeves. So first they stint on quality materials and quantities of those materials and then they overcharge me for the resulting scrap of acrylic nonsense. I shall return it tomorrow.
I also bought a bottle of Becks with lunch. Why? I do not like beer. Somebody take this debit card away from me.
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[25 Nov 2006|11:29pm] |
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music |
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Joanna Newsom - Only Skin |
] |
I made cake.
and coconut mices (those are not my hands).
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| Coffee. |
[26 Oct 2006|09:44pm] |
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music |
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MSTRKRFT - Bodywork |
] |
Today I discovered coffee. I named it Stick, after my first pet, who was a stick. No, I'm lying. But I drank a whole cup of coffee for the first time ever and found it a tremendously rewarding experience.
The conundrum facing me now is whether to break the habit of lifetimes tomorrow morning and have coffee instead of tea. What to do, what to do (got no head).
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| bugger me, it's cold. |
[03 Oct 2006|12:35pm] |
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music |
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Akira the Don - Liverpool |
] |
I am totally going to Leeds on Thursday!!!!!!!!! Excitement, she wrote. Sitting on a foetid coach next to a crusty student who actually seems to be made of vomit for four hours, she also wrote. So hey - in the meantime I have a conundrum to be solving. I have a sexy across-the-road-neighbour who frequently prances about in a state of undress before his wide open curtains. This, for me, is not a problem. But! The thing is, his identity changes. For days at a time there will be no one, then another scantily clad pillar of manhood will appear. Like, each week there is a new one. The questions this raises are as follows:
a) Why do these men keep moving out?
b) Why are they all so tanned and lean?
c) Is it in fact possible that there are four or five handsome men living in the house and I'm just seeing different ones?
I think that is more likely actually. Good point, brain. The only problem with this proliferation of good-looking acrosstheroadneighbours is that I feel I have to brush my hair and put on make up before I go into my bedroom. Also it makes me feel obligated to neaten the myriad bras and shoes and banana skins and dead mice and empty cans of beer into something resembling a hygienic human dwelling, and this is a bore. So. Handsome men begone. I wish to laze in my ugly, stinking room in piss peace.
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| flargh. |
[11 Jul 2006|07:26pm] |
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music |
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The Duke Spirit - Cuts Across the Land |
] |
br/>
| ✓ I miss somebody right now. |
× I don't watch much TV these days. |
✓ I own lots of books. (If my books were human I would have relationships with them.) |
| × I wear glasses or contact lenses. |
✓ I love to play video games. (Shame I suck.) |
✓ I've tried marijuana. (I LIKE marijuana.) |
| × I've watched porn movies. (Movie, singular.) |
× I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. |
✓ I believe honesty is usually the best policy. (Though I don't always act on my beliefs.) |
| ✓ I curse sometimes. |
✓ I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. |
× I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. |
( it goes on... )
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[09 Jun 2006|12:03am] |
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recently I found something that made me very happy and a bit teary-eyed. I am now going to transcribe it in full because this is my fucking livejournal and I'll do whatever the fuck I want, and you don't have to fucking read it if you don't like it, you fucking cunt.
( poetry. )
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[29 Apr 2006|10:17am] |
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music |
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Mclusky - Forget About Him I'm Mint |
] |
Since I added cuteoverload.com to my Friends list I have inadvertantly started to build up a hardened resistence to cuteness. A lot like a cop who has spent too much time on the job, seen too many horrifically bloody and senseless crime scenes and figures if he can't beat them he may as well join them and ends up raping and repeatedly stabbing his wife and kids. Except with cuteness. I'm not sure where the analogy goes from there. Possibly I need to rape a hamster.
This shit leaves me cold.
I am a desensitized monster.
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[29 Mar 2006|10:33pm] |
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music |
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Schneider tm feat. Kpt.Michi.Gan - The Light 3000 |
] |
Strange man on tube: "Do you want a beer?"
Me: "No thanks."
"Are you sure? Go'n hav' beer. I'm...I'm...I'm in the Royal Marines."
"Oh?"
"I'm going to Baghdad tomorrow."
"Really."
"Yes. Twenny years in th'service an' two mo' to go."
"I see."
"Mumble."
"Sorry?"
"I'm scared. I've never been scared before."
-uncomfortable silence-
"Not in twenty years of active service. But tomorrow I have to look after twelve kids, twelve eighteen year old kids, and I'm fuckin' scared. I've got a bad feeling. I've seen stuff you couldn't see in your dreams. I'm a fuckin' surgeon sweet'eart, I know how to put people back together after they've been blown up. Exploded like. I'm fuckin' scared."
"Oh. Well. Everyone gets scared."
"Ha! Butwhat'd'youknow? Fuckin'...mumblemumble."
And so on and so on in that vein for far too long to the point where I start blushing and attempting to read my book and he carries on talking and showing me photographs of his wife and daughter.
It was very touching and made a somewhat pleasant change from the normal British traveller. The one who sits there scowling in a grey puddle of tacitern misery, doling out frosty glances whenever someone happens to do anything but sit in silence. However, this guy's breath reeked of Carlsberg, he mocked my voice and he sat unnervingly close. I hope my iPod fixes itself soon.
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| teach me something. |
[24 Mar 2006|03:11pm] |
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music |
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Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Fancy |
] |
You may not know this, but every day I endeavour to learn something I didn't know, much in the style of one Karl Pilkington (of whom you probably are not aware unless you like Ricky Gervais quite a bit). Yesterday I learnt that it is possible to print hamster ovaries. Don't ask how. Or why. My knowledge does not spread that far. Obviously they don't use an HP laserjet printer. It's something more..sciencey. Anyway, one day they might be able to print entire organs! How amazing is that! Fairly amazing, I would say. On a scale of not amazing in the slightest to amazing.
Anyway today I have been attempting to uncover the etymology of the word dyke (as in lesbian, not a seawall thingy that Dutch boys stick their fingers in). As usual the scholars are not in agreement, but here are the varying origins of the word, [copied nearly verbatim from wikipedia, but not quite]:
- from "morphadike", the dialect version of "hermaphrodite" that emerged in the early twentieth century (if, like me, you studied To Kill A Mockingbird at school you may remember the little girl calling her ambiguouslygendered snowman a "morphadite". We were never taught that it was an antiquated homophobic slur, however) and was often used to refer to homosexuals.
- dyke, meaning ditch, was old english slang for 'vulva' and bull has always meant masculine so a bulldyke was a masculine woman.
is that not fascinating? Next time your friend calls you a dirty fucking dyke you can impress them with your new-found knowledge. No need to thank me.
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[21 Mar 2006|04:18pm] |
to Glynn, Andy and Luke. I lost my phone on saturday and all day long the twats who found it have been ringing everyone on my contact list. so if you got a call from my phone today, it wasn't from me. if you get another call, feel free to pick up and say the most offensive/threatening/frightening thing you can think of. i'm trying to cancel it but it may take a while.
they keep ringing my friend Cat and meowing at her.
people are so fucking mean.
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[13 Mar 2006|01:37pm] |
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music |
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Rilo Kiley - Love and War (11/11/46) |
] |
Screw the excuses. I like shit quizzes and I always will.
Name 10 bands/artists you are really into:
1. Interpol
2. The White Stripes
3. The Velvet Underground
4. The Fiery Furnaces
5. Modest Mouse
6. Tom Waits
7. Nirvana (yesyesyes. I am not cool.)
8. Rilo Kiley
9. McLusky
10. The Arcade Fire
Now answer the questions according to the numbers.
What was the first song you ever heard by 6?:
I heard someone doing an impression of 'Pasties and a G-String', then I heard the real thing. It is still my favourite.
What is your favourite album of 8?:
The only one I have, namely 'More Adventurous'.
What is your favourite lyric that 5 has sung?:
'he moves just like crisco disco
breath 100% listerine
he says looking at something else
but directing everything to me
"every time anyone gets on their knees to pray
well it makes my telephone ring
and I'll be damned"
he said "you were right
no one's running this whole thing"
he had a theory too
he said that God takes care of Himself
and you of you'
How many times have you seen 4 live?:
Never. They supported The Kills once at a gig I should have been at but missed due to circumstances beyond my control.
What is your favourite song of 7?:
smellsliketeenspirit. Ssh.
What is a good memory you have connected to the music of 10?:
Listening to 'In The Backseat' on a pier in Venice, looking out towards the horizon and seeing nothing but endless mist meeting endless water.
What is your favourite lyric that 2 has sung?:
"If you think that a kiss is all in the lips
come on, you got it all wrong man
and if you think that our dance was all in the hips
oh well
then do the twist"
What is your favourite song by 9?:
'Falco vs. the Young Canoeist'. I believe it is genuinely about angry fishermen.
How did you get into 3?:
Thanks to my lovelylovely parents.
What was the first song you heard by 1?:
'Evil'. Xfm played it to death and back.
What is your favourite song by 4?:
'Birdie Brain'
How many times have you seen 9 live?:
Not once. They split up before their music was brought to my attention.
What is a good memory you have concerning 2?:
Seeing them at Brixton Academy was ridiculously fun, even though I was sitting down and they refused to play 'Fell In Love With A Girl' despite my shouting myself hoarse.
Is there a song of 8 that makes you sad?:
'A Man/Me/Then Jim' is quite poignant.
What is your favourite album of 5?:
'The Lonesome Crowded West'.
What is your favourite lyric that 3 has sung?:
"Some kinds of love,
Marguerita told Tom,
Like a dirty french novel
The absurd courts the vulgar"
How many times have you seen 6 live?:
No times. He might be dead.
What is your favourite album of 2?:
'The White Stripes'.
What is a great memory you have considering 9?:
Er. I don't have any great memories concerning Mclusky.
What is your favourite lyric that 6 has sung?:
They really don't work unless you're reading them with his voice in your head. And I highly doubt that you are.
What was the first song you heard by 8?:
I can't remember. But Portions For Foxes reminded me that I liked them.
I thought to myself, should I get dressed, or should I do this.
I did this.
I regret it now.
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[26 Feb 2006|07:46pm] |
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music |
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Birdie Brain - The Fiery Furnaces |
] |
fucking ARGH. it is the way she slightly mispronounces her words. clickety becomes crickety and saddle becomes saddeh-w. i want to crushingly hug her.
Anyway. The definition of disappointment is when you ask someone to buy you a surprise!!!!!!! from the shop and they bring you a tin of Chickpeas. Chickpeas in Brine.
on the other hand, the definition of amusement is when you make alex drink the brine. so life is not entirely woven from a sticky wool of letdowns and woe.
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[22 Feb 2006|05:06pm] |
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music |
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Kimya Dawson - Singing Machine |
] |
There is a line in this song which goes "some producer said to young Lennon 'They can't all be ballads, Julian'" but I keep hearing it as "some producer said to young Lenin, 'They can't all be ballads, Julian'" so I have a mental image of a young Vladimir in his Kazan bedsit, writing sad songs and chewing on his pencil and staring out the window thinking 'fuck this, communist tracts is where the money is..'
anyfuckingway. Please make it be spring.
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[18 Feb 2006|05:17am] |
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music |
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Birds - Birdsong |
] |
something despicable just happened.
I was walking home at whateverthetimeis, eating a cornetto and minding my business, when I heard some guy behind me. He was carrying a plastic bag and it was rustling. Anyway I thought he was black, then I became afraid, then I realised that I was stereotyping so I made a conscious effort not to be scared. I convinced myself that if he was holding a plastic bag, he must be okay. Anyway, I walked and walked and walked - and it began to seem like he was speeding up a little bit. Closing in on me. I got to my door eventually, hurriedly put my key in upside down, righted it, open the door, and turned round to see him with his cock in his hand, head tilted to one side, beating it furiously. Turns out he was white.
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| Emily the Dog |
[16 Feb 2006|11:47pm] |
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music |
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The Velvet Underground - Sister Ray |
] |
well why don't you come up with a better way to pass the time.
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[10 Feb 2006|05:12pm] |
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music |
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Ninja High School - Jam Band Death Cult |
] |
Friends, strangers, fetishists, midgets. Lend me your ears, your eyes, and your hearts, for I am here to tell you about a young man called Glynn. I would compare him to God, but I have a feeling that God doesn't know His bittorrent from His elbow, so this seems insufficient. Glynn. Glynnglynnglynnglynnglynn. Somehow he can semi-telepathically gauge my technology-related situation from several hundred miles away. It is certainly no thanks to me that he knows exactly what is going on in my computer - my contribution is something like,
helen says:
i've got the red thing
helen says:
what now?
helen says:
it won't do that thing, when it does stuff and comes off. am i going to need a kernel debugger? why is the grey one flashing? do i put that one, which i said before, in the place with the yellow box? which i asked you about before?
Monsieur Smith, in his customarily phlegmatic manner, responds with a garbled ejaculation of random numbers, made-up words and intimidating acronyms, before unweaving them with his inimitable customer-relations-esque helpfullness and translating the muddy language of computers into something almost resembling human English. When he is around, things work. Even though he is probably only helping me because there is an Adam and Joe DVD in it for him. G, Iloveyou.
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[09 Feb 2006|05:50pm] |
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music |
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David Bowie - Life On Mars |
] |
hey,
There was a boy today who had Glynn's voice. In his mouth. And it was coming out of his mouth, saying things like "yeah, that's cockrock, like Def Leppard and Motorhead...yeah...yeah...Seven Nation Army...yeah" and such. It made me put my iPod on pause and keep my headphones in so I could pretend to be listening to music but actually be eavesdropping on him. Which was dull.
I think winter is the best time for eating icecreams.
the end.
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| the text is just an excuse for the picture. |
[31 Jan 2006|06:14pm] |
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music |
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Louis XIV - Illegal Tender |
] |
My arm feels really funny. like it doesn't want to be attached to my torso any more. well, fuck that. it can fend for itself. see how well it does in the outside world!
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